Coping at Christmas

What are the first things you think of when you think of Christmas? The  Christmas tree, the presents, baking Christmas goodies, a candle lit service at a church somewhere?
Okay I realize I probably should have written this weeks ago BUT... Here we are the 26th of December in the middle of the Christmas season..
Not everyone has lovely memories of Christmas. Maybe you grew up or are in a family where Christmas was more about people's anger or just about stuff. Maybe everyone got drunk. Maybe you have love ones that have died either this year or in previous years. Maybe you've experienced the pain of losing a child or even the pain of infertility.
Christmas (or the holidays) can be a tender point otherwise know as a "Trigger". Emotions can be prone to flaring up. Trust me

At our house we have experienced all of the above. We both came from large extended families. Personally I have some bad memories of Christmas for reasons I cannot explain or talk about.
After we were married in 1997 we moved to the Carolina's in March of 1998 from California.
We went through several years of infertility and a miscarriage before conceiving Jonathan who was born in 2006.

OK I know there are a lot of websites you can go to to help you deal with stress specific to what you are dealing with.
We have children prone to respiratory problems. Christmas is in the middle of RSV season... (RSV is like a cold but the mucous is more like molasses and is thicker and can cause some kids major, major problems)

Here are some general coping strategies we use to get through holidays and anniversaries (otherwise known as an angelversary)

1. If you don't feel like you won't be able to deal with all the various people you'll run into (and the unfortunate comments that come with that): Don't sweat it. Don't feel guilty for not going.
(I had trouble going anywhere for a while after having my first miscarriage)
Although you might catch some grief. You do what is best for you..

2. If there is a health concern (I.e RSV with Jonathan and Daniel)
You can set limits. If you know someone is sick and  they're still going  to be at a social interaction (tsk tsk tsk shame on them stupid people) STAY AWAY from them.
Carry hand sanitizer with you and if they ask to directly interact, do a brief scan and trust your gut with who's sick, and if they are well, give them some hand sanitizer and discourage them doing anything on your kids hands. Little kids typically put their hands in their mouth.
Some folks WON'T believe you at all and will think you are paranoid. In that case you have to use literally what your doctor says. Most people believe you if you say your doctor said it (although you already have heard your doctor preach  about prematurity issues and RSV and how serious it can be).

3. You can create new traditions.
For us we try to keep things low key. We don't set up the tree until a couple of days until Christmas.
We also don't put presents under out tree until Christmas eve (late). Our kids don't see presents until it's time to rip into them.
Some years we go away for the holiday. We were going to do that this year but decided this next year is going to be crazy busy with moving etc, that we just need to focus on our family.

4. Give yourself and Loved ones near and dear to you some grace and space as people tend to deal with things different. This is quite true with grief and loss. Be kind to each other. Share great memories together.

Although I am not against having a drink with Dinner...I am against drinking more alcohol than I know is appropriate. I do not need to feel buzzed to enjoy a meal..
Some people can handle it but coupled with the above; it could create more problems than it's worth.

For those we hold dear we wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy  and Prosperous new year.
May 2010 be beetter to you than 2009 was.

In Memorium: Larry Wentz, Deke Dursteler(son of Toni Dursteler), Victoria Martinsen and Douglas R. Toohey (Father of Cynthia Toohey Kelley)
Please Pray for: Fred Pitts, the Toohey/Kelley family, and a friends named Christy. You can always pray for Donna Haggard who over Thanksgiving had to have 5 pints of  blood transfused (the body holds 6).. We pray for a quick healing and for Cancer to die off and stay that way.
There are numerous other folks We wish to honor at this time who have recently lost babies and our hearts are with you..
LOVE always and Blessings