We may be feeling absolutely sickly BUT I finally finished my part one of two projects I have going.
I love putting photos together with music with my Windows movie maker(although my machine keeps acting up) here is the video.
I have way too much fun with this... Just wish I had a better program to do this with..(hint hint)
Next project will be Daniel's first year.(probably in 2 parts--You tube will only allow 10 minute videos :( )
Be blessed
Friday, May 29, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Memorial stones
It's Memorial Day- the one day we honor and recognize the men and women who have fought for our freedom.
This week end at church I was reminded of what I normally do when I get into a fun or a depressed state. I tend to remind myself of what and how God has done great things and I make a list of awesome things in my life that I am grateful things.
I believe it is the little things in life that we can truly enjoyable. Case in point is at the end of the week I decided to get the car washed after I picked Jonathan up from school on Friday. we went and after getting gas in the vehicle which is a Expedition( I still call it a car). I went through an automatic car wash with 2 kids in tow both were sucking their thumbs.
This used to be when Jonathan would scream because simply this was something that would be total sensory overload. Now it is a little more enjoyable because he says "ooh".
I am thankful for the opportunity I have had to be a part of the lives of my kids. I LOVE to see them grow and do new things. I love having the opportunity to be "home" with them, even when "home" was a waiting room or a doctor's office somewhere. I can't wait until it gets sunny and we can get out to the park..
I am thankful that;we yet again avoided having to go to the pediatrician for anything, although there's signs we are headed back there.
I am thankful that my husband has given me this opportunity even though he has had to take a second job delivering pizzas, and totally tighten up our budget to what seems at times un-workable.
Lately he has been working 50-60 hours at his full time job and he is beyond tired.He has been so tired at times that he is nearly useless to anyone else but work. This seems unfair to me because he is getting paid the same wage as others in the building but is expected to do a whole lot more like a manager. Others take a whole lot less abuse and I hope this particular manager quits it or pays him significantly more.
I have been extra tired because I have no one to give me an assist that I need at times. I miss my husband and hope the zombie goes away that replaced him.
Scary things are starting to happen like today we were eating lunch when suddenly Andrew blacked out while he was drinking tea and dropped his glass. No Andrew hasn't been drinking.He is extremely exhausted.
So that is what is going on with me.
Blessings
Picture of Jonathan's arm being painted by a clown... freaky but cool
This week end at church I was reminded of what I normally do when I get into a fun or a depressed state. I tend to remind myself of what and how God has done great things and I make a list of awesome things in my life that I am grateful things.
I believe it is the little things in life that we can truly enjoyable. Case in point is at the end of the week I decided to get the car washed after I picked Jonathan up from school on Friday. we went and after getting gas in the vehicle which is a Expedition( I still call it a car). I went through an automatic car wash with 2 kids in tow both were sucking their thumbs.
This used to be when Jonathan would scream because simply this was something that would be total sensory overload. Now it is a little more enjoyable because he says "ooh".
I am thankful for the opportunity I have had to be a part of the lives of my kids. I LOVE to see them grow and do new things. I love having the opportunity to be "home" with them, even when "home" was a waiting room or a doctor's office somewhere. I can't wait until it gets sunny and we can get out to the park..
I am thankful that;we yet again avoided having to go to the pediatrician for anything, although there's signs we are headed back there.
I am thankful that my husband has given me this opportunity even though he has had to take a second job delivering pizzas, and totally tighten up our budget to what seems at times un-workable.
Lately he has been working 50-60 hours at his full time job and he is beyond tired.He has been so tired at times that he is nearly useless to anyone else but work. This seems unfair to me because he is getting paid the same wage as others in the building but is expected to do a whole lot more like a manager. Others take a whole lot less abuse and I hope this particular manager quits it or pays him significantly more.
I have been extra tired because I have no one to give me an assist that I need at times. I miss my husband and hope the zombie goes away that replaced him.
Scary things are starting to happen like today we were eating lunch when suddenly Andrew blacked out while he was drinking tea and dropped his glass. No Andrew hasn't been drinking.He is extremely exhausted.
So that is what is going on with me.
Blessings
Picture of Jonathan's arm being painted by a clown... freaky but cool
Monday, May 18, 2009
Then and Now... my Jonathan
First off I need to put a disclaimer here. If you are triggered by NICU anything it's ok but DON'T watch... I don't want to trigger anyone, what I am doing here is processing my heart from that experience. Yep 3 years later... but it has gotten better the more I have looked at my photos and the lovely little boy who is trying to wipe tears from my face saying "make better".
I am doing this to help you see just how FAR Jonathan has come...
Jonathan was born TERM (2 days before his due date) with Lung Disease of Prematurity (preemie Lungs) on Day 6 of his hospital stay he was moved to CMC Main-(Now Levine Children's Hospital Level 4 nicu(highest in the region) This is when we first saw him there after he was moved.
Things here would worsen BUT he fought hard and got better. The ECMO word was used a lot and we PRAYED hard.
He came home 55 days after he was born on Oxygen and monitors.
3 years later here is Jonathan
If you Look at the first one separately from the second one without knowing about the second one you lose perspective. If you are like me. I look at the first one and cry. We thought he was going to die. We can now look at the second one and totally SMILE and Thank God for the major miracle he did and start praising God like crazy.
I still cry at these but I promise these are healing tears.
BELIEVE
I am doing this to help you see just how FAR Jonathan has come...
Jonathan was born TERM (2 days before his due date) with Lung Disease of Prematurity (preemie Lungs) on Day 6 of his hospital stay he was moved to CMC Main-(Now Levine Children's Hospital Level 4 nicu(highest in the region) This is when we first saw him there after he was moved.
Things here would worsen BUT he fought hard and got better. The ECMO word was used a lot and we PRAYED hard.
He came home 55 days after he was born on Oxygen and monitors.
3 years later here is Jonathan
If you Look at the first one separately from the second one without knowing about the second one you lose perspective. If you are like me. I look at the first one and cry. We thought he was going to die. We can now look at the second one and totally SMILE and Thank God for the major miracle he did and start praising God like crazy.
I still cry at these but I promise these are healing tears.
BELIEVE
Thursday, May 14, 2009
In Response to the Loss of Kayleigh
This is what my comment to Kayleigh's Parents are. Andrew Thought it was good enough to post here as it brought up several great points. This is what my thoughts were:
Prayers for your family.
Thank you for sharing your story with us all. As a mom who had 2 kids go through the nicu at cmc and one who nearly lost his fight for life(Jonathan) what you are doing a great thing by sharing.
Things like what you went through with Kayleigh could happen to any of us.
My Heart breaks with your family's and I pray for a bigger blessings to come. Please take care.
Another suggestion would be for people to pray for the families and the babies in the NICU. They are on a Very difficult ROAD, even on their babies best days. Pray for the Nurses who just took care of Kayleigh...Their heart's were invested also as the nurses treat these babies as their own. I know this because I still send pictures to the nurse who took care of my son in the NICU (more than 3 years ago).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was in the NICU at CMC(Now Levine Children's Hospital) It was one of the most gut wrenching things to walk through the door. My child was not supposed to be there and this was not supposed to be something to happen to someone I cared and fought for through our infertility and a remarkable pregnancy. I had done everything right.
When we were told that Jonathan needed to be transferred to the HIGH hospital...at that point we were cheering as we felt there were competency issues. When we got to CMC we were given no sure promises of him doing anything and we were watching him moment by moment.
To me it was sure terror. Who likes seeing their baby have tubes and wires coming from everywhere. NOT ME. Who LOVES feeling like this was not my child due to the fact I could not touch him and other people were taking care of him. NOT ME.
No one likes to think in terms like what are we going to do if our child dies in the NICU.
These are all real things faced by lots of parents going through real life and death issues in hospitals and NICU's everywhere. There were a few families that had losses while we were in the NICU with Jonathan. The staff there really tried to minimize and make it a private issue but we KNEW about what other families were dealing with. In no lesser terms we knew THAT could BE us, and That was in the hands of our God.
We should be praying for the families of babies in the NICU... Both in the Levine Children's hospital in Charlotte,NC and also NICU's everywhere.
I have again told Jonathan how much of a hero he is to me and how he inspires me and a lot of people to fight for babies(both term and premature). I think we need to both see the miracles of the ordinary and the signs and Wonders and recognize that they are everywhere. Please do hug your kids. Every day is a gift and every mom who goes through the experience of the NICU knows this all to well.
Daniel was in the NICU under observation in the same NICU Kayleigh was. Although he was there for a mere 30 hours and kicked out because he was too good (Thank God).
Being a second timer and also a Wall of Hope family was a surreal and sad thing. Sad because people recognized us. Surreal because we never thought we would ever be back there. Once a year trip to the reunion is good enough for us. As Andrew said we never thought we would be riding the same horse again.
If we do consider trying for another child we DO have to consider this because of the fact this has happened twice to us and can now be proven.
Jonathan by all accounts by everyone at his school is the most loved kid in school... and we have been told that by their observations that he is well loved.
He should be and deserves that as every child should. It breaks my heart.
Be blessed and Please release a balloon or light a candle in her honor on Sunday at 4 pm (EDT).
Trina
Prayers for your family.
Thank you for sharing your story with us all. As a mom who had 2 kids go through the nicu at cmc and one who nearly lost his fight for life(Jonathan) what you are doing a great thing by sharing.
Things like what you went through with Kayleigh could happen to any of us.
My Heart breaks with your family's and I pray for a bigger blessings to come. Please take care.
Another suggestion would be for people to pray for the families and the babies in the NICU. They are on a Very difficult ROAD, even on their babies best days. Pray for the Nurses who just took care of Kayleigh...Their heart's were invested also as the nurses treat these babies as their own. I know this because I still send pictures to the nurse who took care of my son in the NICU (more than 3 years ago).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was in the NICU at CMC(Now Levine Children's Hospital) It was one of the most gut wrenching things to walk through the door. My child was not supposed to be there and this was not supposed to be something to happen to someone I cared and fought for through our infertility and a remarkable pregnancy. I had done everything right.
When we were told that Jonathan needed to be transferred to the HIGH hospital...at that point we were cheering as we felt there were competency issues. When we got to CMC we were given no sure promises of him doing anything and we were watching him moment by moment.
To me it was sure terror. Who likes seeing their baby have tubes and wires coming from everywhere. NOT ME. Who LOVES feeling like this was not my child due to the fact I could not touch him and other people were taking care of him. NOT ME.
No one likes to think in terms like what are we going to do if our child dies in the NICU.
These are all real things faced by lots of parents going through real life and death issues in hospitals and NICU's everywhere. There were a few families that had losses while we were in the NICU with Jonathan. The staff there really tried to minimize and make it a private issue but we KNEW about what other families were dealing with. In no lesser terms we knew THAT could BE us, and That was in the hands of our God.
We should be praying for the families of babies in the NICU... Both in the Levine Children's hospital in Charlotte,NC and also NICU's everywhere.
I have again told Jonathan how much of a hero he is to me and how he inspires me and a lot of people to fight for babies(both term and premature). I think we need to both see the miracles of the ordinary and the signs and Wonders and recognize that they are everywhere. Please do hug your kids. Every day is a gift and every mom who goes through the experience of the NICU knows this all to well.
Daniel was in the NICU under observation in the same NICU Kayleigh was. Although he was there for a mere 30 hours and kicked out because he was too good (Thank God).
Being a second timer and also a Wall of Hope family was a surreal and sad thing. Sad because people recognized us. Surreal because we never thought we would ever be back there. Once a year trip to the reunion is good enough for us. As Andrew said we never thought we would be riding the same horse again.
If we do consider trying for another child we DO have to consider this because of the fact this has happened twice to us and can now be proven.
Jonathan by all accounts by everyone at his school is the most loved kid in school... and we have been told that by their observations that he is well loved.
He should be and deserves that as every child should. It breaks my heart.
Be blessed and Please release a balloon or light a candle in her honor on Sunday at 4 pm (EDT).
Trina
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Mother's day/ Gotcha Day
It was three years ago on the 10th of May 2006. We brought Jonathan home from the NICU at Levine Children's hospital 55 days after he was born. We can hardly believe the road we would travel, but overall we wouldn't trade a single thing.
It was one of the best and scariest days since our wedding. He came home on supplemental oxygen and a hart/apnea monitor. We had to take a cpr class and were taught how to turn the monitor off when it screeched. It was quite a bit louder than the smoke alarm. Thankfully it only went off once for authentic reasons. It did go off a lot due to leads coming loose or Andrewor myself not planning his moves with Jonathan. ;)
Jonathan is now 3 years old and attends a pre-k program through the school drstrict. He loves going to school. We are working on listening and shortly will be attempting potty training.
Next Saturday we will be attending te annual NICU reuion and can't wait to see everyone there. It is always an amazing, emotional day for me.I can't wait to tell the nurse who took care of Jonathan that we now know what happened to him.
Happy Mother's Day to All Mothers (especially mommies going through infertility and have babies waiting for them due to pregnancy loss).
Here is a video a friend blessed the world with.
Blessings and love
For Our Babies In Heaven
It was one of the best and scariest days since our wedding. He came home on supplemental oxygen and a hart/apnea monitor. We had to take a cpr class and were taught how to turn the monitor off when it screeched. It was quite a bit louder than the smoke alarm. Thankfully it only went off once for authentic reasons. It did go off a lot due to leads coming loose or Andrewor myself not planning his moves with Jonathan. ;)
Jonathan is now 3 years old and attends a pre-k program through the school drstrict. He loves going to school. We are working on listening and shortly will be attempting potty training.
Next Saturday we will be attending te annual NICU reuion and can't wait to see everyone there. It is always an amazing, emotional day for me.I can't wait to tell the nurse who took care of Jonathan that we now know what happened to him.
Happy Mother's Day to All Mothers (especially mommies going through infertility and have babies waiting for them due to pregnancy loss).
Here is a video a friend blessed the world with.
Blessings and love
For Our Babies In Heaven
Friday, May 8, 2009
Another Thankful for Friday
I've decided to keep this as a Friday thing...
I am Thankful for; My new washing machine. It's here and I am finally able to wash my clothes at Home.
I am thankful for the experience of the once a week trek to the Laundry place and the people we met while there. Having this experience makes me all the more thankful for the washer and dryer. I can wash clothes while Daniel and Jonathan take a nap although Jonathan is a great helper putting stuff in the washer.
He LOVES Spin cycle.
Thankful that we have some sort of a/c. It's been HOT and muggy here. Although it's a window unit and is about 60% efficient it's better than nothing.
Thankful for second chances...Tomorrow I will be going to a woman's life group. although I am SCARED of doing this I appreciate the courageous step I am taking. Hopefully I won't need medication after. Some people are laughing but I was told they wouldn't be either if they had my life, they'd be just as scared as me.
Thankful that on Sunday it will be 3 years since we brought Jonathan home from the NICU. Best and scariest day of my life since our wedding. I will never forget that day. This your it falls on Mother's Day.
But since we tend to observe Mother's Day on that Saturday before it's great. If we go out it is not crowded at all and it's more low key. There are college graduations going on but that's it and it's not a huge deal to compete with. We've been places on Mother's day and people were acting like fools and it was embarrassing. That and we wanted to honor and respect our babies that went to heaven before us.(hence the day before)
It is an honor to be a friend and it's even more an honor to be able to pray with them through a trial. I love my friends even if we've not officially met yet. I have a lot of them and they are the best friends a girl could have.
I am putting out an unspoken prayer request for wisdom in a certain situation. I'm trying to make a decision of whether talking about a certain thing is worth it any more. It's just hurting me as time moves on and seems to help a little right now. Although this may be a sign I need to continue I feel like it needs to me more guided and the ghosts told to leave.
I am thankful though that I was able to talk things out with people that were objective and had wisdom than I was able to have at the time. In my opinion I was more than angry and wanted everyone involved to burn at the stake. Now I could walk up to a few of them and say hello without wanting to slap someone. That's improvement.
That is all for me right now and I will post more later.
Blessings
Last night I found Jonathan in the Pack n play we use occasionally when Daniel and Jonathan need space and need their naps. some times he still loves confined spaces.
I am Thankful for; My new washing machine. It's here and I am finally able to wash my clothes at Home.
I am thankful for the experience of the once a week trek to the Laundry place and the people we met while there. Having this experience makes me all the more thankful for the washer and dryer. I can wash clothes while Daniel and Jonathan take a nap although Jonathan is a great helper putting stuff in the washer.
He LOVES Spin cycle.
Thankful that we have some sort of a/c. It's been HOT and muggy here. Although it's a window unit and is about 60% efficient it's better than nothing.
Thankful for second chances...Tomorrow I will be going to a woman's life group. although I am SCARED of doing this I appreciate the courageous step I am taking. Hopefully I won't need medication after. Some people are laughing but I was told they wouldn't be either if they had my life, they'd be just as scared as me.
Thankful that on Sunday it will be 3 years since we brought Jonathan home from the NICU. Best and scariest day of my life since our wedding. I will never forget that day. This your it falls on Mother's Day.
But since we tend to observe Mother's Day on that Saturday before it's great. If we go out it is not crowded at all and it's more low key. There are college graduations going on but that's it and it's not a huge deal to compete with. We've been places on Mother's day and people were acting like fools and it was embarrassing. That and we wanted to honor and respect our babies that went to heaven before us.(hence the day before)
It is an honor to be a friend and it's even more an honor to be able to pray with them through a trial. I love my friends even if we've not officially met yet. I have a lot of them and they are the best friends a girl could have.
I am putting out an unspoken prayer request for wisdom in a certain situation. I'm trying to make a decision of whether talking about a certain thing is worth it any more. It's just hurting me as time moves on and seems to help a little right now. Although this may be a sign I need to continue I feel like it needs to me more guided and the ghosts told to leave.
I am thankful though that I was able to talk things out with people that were objective and had wisdom than I was able to have at the time. In my opinion I was more than angry and wanted everyone involved to burn at the stake. Now I could walk up to a few of them and say hello without wanting to slap someone. That's improvement.
That is all for me right now and I will post more later.
Blessings
Last night I found Jonathan in the Pack n play we use occasionally when Daniel and Jonathan need space and need their naps. some times he still loves confined spaces.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thankful-for-Friday
What I am truly Thankful for.
Since I am having a great day but just read some blogs that were HEAVY...
My kids are somewhat healthy or are on the mend. Jonathan has another green runny nose due to allergies we cannot seem to contain. Daniel is feeling better after having been on antibiotics as a precaution for a few days.
Daniel is something I am grateful for
Jonathan is my boy! and I am super happy I have him.
I am feeling so much better after having dealt with the allergies from hell.
Thankful we didn't find ourselves at the hospital this week... We seem to find ourselves there about 2-3 months... Don't know if it's a normal kid thing or or am I just more aware of my children's respiratory sensitivity.
Thankful that Daniel is according to our pediatrician developing normally. He is actually crawling/scooting and bouncing around on his hands and knees.
Trying not to compare these two different kiddos but Jonathan freaked us out with his slowness in these areas.
Jonathan is trying to teach his brother things... Good bad or other he is trying. Yesterday he tried to get him to say weee when we went up over a rail road track and down over by daddy's work. He has been known to start a singing contest in our back seat.
Thankful that Jonathan's food allergies have decided to subside for now... so on to super foods for kids. YAY. Our hope is the environmental allergies do the same or We WILL be MOVING. (Reminder: It's WRONG to pray us into moving this way... suffering is involved)
Thankful that my doctor scanned my belly and there weren't fibroids. Lots and lots of scar tissue but everything is slowly healing from the c-section. There shouldn't be a problem if we decide to try for another child. This will not be discussed until Daniel is closer to being a year old. He is 9 months old at this time.
Also Thankful no one but me freaks out over lumps (I am not talking gravy) thankfully it was purely hormonal and after a change in medication it has subsided.
We are praying: Jonathan starts talking in more than 2 words at a time.
that both of us (Andrew and myself) can get into some college classes and get our act together. The only thing holding Me back is my lack of Day care and the finances to do Day care... Looking into special needs vouchers
Looking for a babysitter for either a Monday afternoon or a Tuesday afternoon so I can go see a career coach and go to an appointment.
Blessings
Since I am having a great day but just read some blogs that were HEAVY...
My kids are somewhat healthy or are on the mend. Jonathan has another green runny nose due to allergies we cannot seem to contain. Daniel is feeling better after having been on antibiotics as a precaution for a few days.
Daniel is something I am grateful for
Jonathan is my boy! and I am super happy I have him.
I am feeling so much better after having dealt with the allergies from hell.
Thankful we didn't find ourselves at the hospital this week... We seem to find ourselves there about 2-3 months... Don't know if it's a normal kid thing or or am I just more aware of my children's respiratory sensitivity.
Thankful that Daniel is according to our pediatrician developing normally. He is actually crawling/scooting and bouncing around on his hands and knees.
Trying not to compare these two different kiddos but Jonathan freaked us out with his slowness in these areas.
Jonathan is trying to teach his brother things... Good bad or other he is trying. Yesterday he tried to get him to say weee when we went up over a rail road track and down over by daddy's work. He has been known to start a singing contest in our back seat.
Thankful that Jonathan's food allergies have decided to subside for now... so on to super foods for kids. YAY. Our hope is the environmental allergies do the same or We WILL be MOVING. (Reminder: It's WRONG to pray us into moving this way... suffering is involved)
Thankful that my doctor scanned my belly and there weren't fibroids. Lots and lots of scar tissue but everything is slowly healing from the c-section. There shouldn't be a problem if we decide to try for another child. This will not be discussed until Daniel is closer to being a year old. He is 9 months old at this time.
Also Thankful no one but me freaks out over lumps (I am not talking gravy) thankfully it was purely hormonal and after a change in medication it has subsided.
We are praying: Jonathan starts talking in more than 2 words at a time.
that both of us (Andrew and myself) can get into some college classes and get our act together. The only thing holding Me back is my lack of Day care and the finances to do Day care... Looking into special needs vouchers
Looking for a babysitter for either a Monday afternoon or a Tuesday afternoon so I can go see a career coach and go to an appointment.
Blessings
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