What happened to life, how it just seemed to blow up.
I feel like some days that some things are truly out of my control and my rights have been taken right from my hands.
Right now, I write this in frustration and a little bit of sadness.
A while back we had a big amount of trouble from someone in a church we go to. Once the case was closed and it was proven to be false, my hubby and I made a few decisions.
Instead of being totally angry and wanting to get justice or revenge or what ever you may call it, we would just like to clean the slate off totally and start over.
We have this need just like everyone else on this planet, to love and to be loved and when someone pushes you out of the fray and tries to deny you of a basic chance to just know me and denies me of a chance to be loved, I just don't really understand what's going on in someone else's head/shoes.
I pretty much try to as much as I can try to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Sometimes it's really easy and other times it's a challenge.
I'm really praying about it, we just want another opportunity, but if the people just don't want anything to do with me(and I don't know why) then I guess that desire is not good enough.
I just talked to Andrew and although I made a sufficient case for setting down roots somewhere
and not making ourselves so vulnerable to isolation, I don't think he knows how this has effected me emotionally.
He made the decision to have us pull out of a life group...Unfortunately I am his wife and have to respect his wishes although it absolutely is killing me not to be forming and having relationships. It's truly stifling to me and doesn't seem fair that I get to suffer the consequences of judgment for Andrew's behavior. I've not held a gun to his head and told him to accumulate stuff.In fact this has been a subject of many arguments and even begging and in fact has caused our family a great deal of pain.
Not like I spend the majority of my week dealing with Jonathan's therapists and doctors. I spend some time in hallways and waiting areas. I want to have some sort of life but have a responsibility to Jonathan at least until he turns three years old. I am looking forward to having slightly more time to join a women's life group...
We are trying to reach out but it has been utterly slow because of fear. Even when Daniel was in the hospital and we needed support, Andrew was again too afraid to call anyone even when I asked. anyways here I am. Chugging along.
Trina
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
...for a friend of mine
What David has meant to me in my life and my family's life.
When I met Pastor David I was 16 years old and had just made a decision to follow Jesus Christ.
I was living in some pretty rough circumstances. I was hurt and confused.
He was the first person I opened up to about it and, he helped me to see that I was more important than I was believing myself to be. He also loved me when I didn't feel loveable at that point in my life.
He became to me first of all a friend, he took the time to speak into my life and provoked my faith often with his humor.
He also did more than that. When I was 17 I went on a high school camping trip. On one of the days we all climbed a big hill. This hill was big and looked really impossible. I doubted whether I could make it to the top. we finally made it to the top and I was really awed at the view and at the fact that if it were not for encouragement for and from others none of us would have made it up there.
A few years later and after having known Andrew for a while, I asked Andrew to come to church.
He did, and a few weeks later Pastor David led Andrew to the Lord on Super Bowl Sunday.
In October of 1997 Pastor David married Andrew and I.
In February of 1998 Andrew and I moved to South Carolina, as Andrew's job had moved us there. We have found great friends who are like family to us and go to a great church.
We just celebrated our 11th year of marriage!
We also just celebrate
d the birth of our second child Daniel in July 25 of 2008--><--- and Jonathan's 2nd year of life on Palm Sunday (March 16, 2006).
David encouraged us to hold on to our faith that God would grant us a family, after hearing a bad report that we would be infertile.
David you have been an encouragement to many, and we pray for your peace and healing. we will continue to pray for you and your family as you heal from PTSD.
We just want to thank you for letting the Lord use you in our lives.
We want to thank you for your encouragement and prayers and wish to express you all the friendship and family blessings.
Peace and Love
Trina and Andrew Hoover
Jonathan and Daniel Hoover
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
What the Heck
OK pet peeve time...
I must admit that one thing that REALLY gets under my skin, is when some people don't really state what they expect from you OR if there are rules you need to follow when dealing with them.
Let me explain.
Today being election day I felt that it would be safe to go vote. I did not know that I would spend nearly two hours standing in line. Last time we voted there was NO wait time.
When I got back I was reprimanded for leaving... I was told I was not allowed to leave while therapy is in progress. The only thing is no one EVER bothered to tell me. We have been going there for several months and if I was unable to take him, my mother-in-law would go and drop him off. If I would have known we would be having a different conversation. There was nothing written or otherwise stated.
Why this bothers me:
1. you set the other person up for failure when you don't express your goals or expectations.
I am NOT a mind reader. Tell me what you expect. If there are rules Tell me.
There are things that bug us in general about Jonathan's therapy but one of them is the general lack of meaningful communication. There has not been any communication to tell me anything extra I can do and all we ever seem to do is hear over and over all the negative stuff. He's not progressing(but never once have I heard how they test him or what he CAN do..)
Honestly right now, If you are a therapist and have been largely negative and defeatist about Jonathan, We do not trust you and will do our best to lobby for a re evaluation by a third party. Sorry, but we cannot trust you if you take the negative stance you have. It's easier to say it won't change and don't do your job.
OK but anyways...
In OTHER news..
We are waiting until after all of our elected officials are in office---here locally all of the incumbants won here- South Carolina... One Democrat, One Republican John Spratt, and Jim DeMint, we will be calling them for our own special reasons ;)
I must admit that one thing that REALLY gets under my skin, is when some people don't really state what they expect from you OR if there are rules you need to follow when dealing with them.
Let me explain.
Today being election day I felt that it would be safe to go vote. I did not know that I would spend nearly two hours standing in line. Last time we voted there was NO wait time.
When I got back I was reprimanded for leaving... I was told I was not allowed to leave while therapy is in progress. The only thing is no one EVER bothered to tell me. We have been going there for several months and if I was unable to take him, my mother-in-law would go and drop him off. If I would have known we would be having a different conversation. There was nothing written or otherwise stated.
Why this bothers me:
1. you set the other person up for failure when you don't express your goals or expectations.
I am NOT a mind reader. Tell me what you expect. If there are rules Tell me.
There are things that bug us in general about Jonathan's therapy but one of them is the general lack of meaningful communication. There has not been any communication to tell me anything extra I can do and all we ever seem to do is hear over and over all the negative stuff. He's not progressing(but never once have I heard how they test him or what he CAN do..)
Honestly right now, If you are a therapist and have been largely negative and defeatist about Jonathan, We do not trust you and will do our best to lobby for a re evaluation by a third party. Sorry, but we cannot trust you if you take the negative stance you have. It's easier to say it won't change and don't do your job.
OK but anyways...
In OTHER news..
We are waiting until after all of our elected officials are in office---here locally all of the incumbants won here- South Carolina... One Democrat, One Republican John Spratt, and Jim DeMint, we will be calling them for our own special reasons ;)
Monday, November 3, 2008
decisions, decisions, decisions
Currently there are several decisions being made in our house...
1. When are we going to start Potty training... (we'll get back to you on that one)
2. Where are we going to church? We decided it's going to be the same church, but after that it's complicated.
We decided that we don't really feel we need a face to face interaction and that according to what's been told to us in the past... I could be as simple as a post it note an email or a face to face as far as stating our biblical forgiveness. personally I (Trina) feel as though I have been pronounced guilty by association to Andrew. This is not a fair thing for me. I wish all involved really did know me better than to not trust me.
If people don't start returning phone calls, we will email you, but let's just say we are disappointed in this process.
Here is the process which has not been followed:
Matt 18:15-18
15 "And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 "And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer. 18 "Truly I say to you, whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
NAS
3. I have been in severe pain throughout this whole ordeal, and we have decided to revisit our doctor to help determine what this is from. an appointment is being made as we speak.
We ask that what ever your political affiliation make sure you go out on November 4th (If you haven't already) and VOTE!
Thanks and God Bless
Trina and Andrew
1. When are we going to start Potty training... (we'll get back to you on that one)
2. Where are we going to church? We decided it's going to be the same church, but after that it's complicated.
We decided that we don't really feel we need a face to face interaction and that according to what's been told to us in the past... I could be as simple as a post it note an email or a face to face as far as stating our biblical forgiveness. personally I (Trina) feel as though I have been pronounced guilty by association to Andrew. This is not a fair thing for me. I wish all involved really did know me better than to not trust me.
If people don't start returning phone calls, we will email you, but let's just say we are disappointed in this process.
Here is the process which has not been followed:
Matt 18:15-18
15 "And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 "And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer. 18 "Truly I say to you, whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
NAS
3. I have been in severe pain throughout this whole ordeal, and we have decided to revisit our doctor to help determine what this is from. an appointment is being made as we speak.
We ask that what ever your political affiliation make sure you go out on November 4th (If you haven't already) and VOTE!
Thanks and God Bless
Trina and Andrew
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Now that we can breathe part two
For the first week we were home Andrew's mom came over to help with Jonathan, although she really didn't do anything except change diapers and watch him. I was seeing what she wasn't doing for him rather than what little she was doing. She had taken Jonathan to his therapy both OT/PT, and speech so he wouldn't miss his appointments.
Yes, there were issues and towards the end of the week I told her I felt like I was ready to take the helm back.
Jonathan was not happy with me and had been aggressive towards me since after the first amniocentesis. He was mainly acting out and head butting me in the belly. Our theory is that he was mad at mommy for not being the primary one to take care of him (not like I was very pregnant and could barely walk).
Since he has a speech delay, he doesn't really know how to articulate how he's feeling. He is in speech therapy learning to talk and primarily be able to ask for help.
On August 12th, (it was a Tuesday morning) I was trying my best to get both of the kids in the car so I could take Jonathan to his Occupational and Physical therapies appointment.
As I was loading them up in the car... a car pulls up in the driveway... It's a caseworker from the department of social services. She said that someone had filed a report making some allegations against us about Jonathan's care. I told her that I had to take Jonathan to therapy and that she'd have to come back later, I didn't want to be late.
Later on she came back and Andrew was home. She read the allegations and we were accused of neglecting Jonathan. We were accused of never taking Jonathan to the doctor, never giving him a bath(because he had a rash), and not doing anything about his supposed Autism(What the HELL is a non MD doing diagnosing MY Child).
There were more allegations about my home, but mostly that was a minor issue legally.
This person also alleged my husband of working part time at Pizza Hut as a main source of income and doing work with a ministry doing financial literacy training.
By that point we knew exactly who had filed this report and pretty much we could say, Yea it was Jill (the one who watched Jonathan while we were delivering Daniel).
What Jill didn't know and what we CAN verify is this: Jonathan has a minor to moderate developmental delay of approximately 6-7 months in some things and about a 3-4 month delay in others. The Delay is attributed more to his history of being in the hospital a extended period of time (nearly two months) and missing several of his early milestones. We have been playing catch up ever since.
Jonathan has been in Physical and occupational therapy since he came home from the hospital. He has been in Speech therapy since he was 18 months (with only a tiny lapse because of the fact there is a speech therapy shortage in our area). my husband has worked for West marine for over 11 years and works for Pizza Hut on the week ends for supplemental income only. We do volunteer with Darlene's ministry from time to time but that hasn't happened for close to a year and a half.
We have been to the doctor too many times to number and I will not even hesitate to take either of my babies for any thing. We even have gone the extra mile , taking him to the pediatrician to ask him if he thought Jonathan was autistic. His answer is NO and he specifically told us why. Jonathan interacts with people and make limited eye contact, but the eye contact may also be a trust issue or an eyesight issue.
Jonathan was born with a lung disease called lung disease of prematurity, further complicated by scarring of the lungs (called BPD) He was on supplemental oxygen until he was 7 months old.
He developed a severe case of Eczema(or hives) as a result of having an allergic condition. There are several foods we know he is severely allergic to: eggs, Carrots,String beans... That is why he gets rashes and unfortunately other than drugging him with powerful allergy drugs, and avoiding some foods there isn't a whole lot more that we can help him with. He sees a pediatric pulmonary/allergy specialist in Charlotte 4-5 times a year. His name is Dr. Black, and he is a great man.
I gave the social worker all of Jonathan's doctor's, therapists, and early interventionist professional information. The next time I saw all of them I gave them a head's up.
We were told to clean up the house but the end of the case and she would get back to us.
On the 13th it rained all day... It was my birthday and I felt sick. On that Thursday going into Friday Jonathan had been sick earlier in the week, and for some reason Daniel was sick too.
On Friday I took his temp and it was 100.6 so I called the pediatrician got him in as he was 3 weeks old on that day and screaming non stop. The doctor sent us over to Levine Children's Hospital for the week end as Daniel needed a spinal tap and blood tests to make sure he did not have meningitis. He had both done and received antibiotics all weekend. Monday we came home and although he was still slightly sick from the same stomach virus we all had and colic we were told to let it just run it's course. We told our pastor about Jill making the report and how unhappy we were about that.
On August 26th the social worker reappeared and demanded we clean our house. We called the supervisor to get a little more time and then called anyone that would help us to clean our house.
On the 27th about 10-15 people were at my house helping me clean and we were doing a fantastic job. Social worker shows up again with her own agenda. She was there to take the kids until we could get our house clean. We called our friend Darlene to ask her to take them.
We spend Thursday, Friday,Saturday and Sunday and Monday cleaning as we were expecting the social worker to come back on Tuesday after Labor day. We had the entire house spotless and looking like a model home.
Only thing was that she had not even sent for any records until after the kids were place with Darlene. She had also made me an appointment for a mental evaluation as she was concerned that maybe I was having post-partum depression and was a danger to my kids...
Only thing about that was I was just at my 1 month post-partum check at my Ob/GYN and he asked me several questions and seemed satisfied with my answers.
I had been upset over all this investigating me and my family and how I was accused of being a horrible parent. The Social worker never showed up until September 9th to tell me that I could have my kids back.
It's been nearly two months since they came home. They were gone for 12 days. 12 days I will never get back.
For a while it was rough as they were both having severe attachment issues. They needed to be near/touching mommy all of the time or they would cry non stop. Jonathan was having issues with no being able to sleep and night terrors. Daniel on the other hand had previously been having issues with eating. We were working on not over feeding him so he would not vomit 24/7.
Along with that issue, he also needed to be held and was scared of everything...
Needless to say, it was a difficult 3 weeks before they were feeling emotionally safe and secure.
Daniel's feeding issues were addressed at his 2 month appointment and his formula was changed to Enfamil AR. Since then he has not vomited to the extreme that it was. He is still having issues with screaming, but we think that it's reflux causing it. There is a happy baby in Daniel...sometimes we can see it.
The case was closed on October 7th. We recently received notice that the case was closed and that it was found to be unfounded.
In short currently I feel disappointed in how it was dealt with. I am upset that all this even took place and it all could really have been avoided if Jill would have just asked about Jonathan and his life.
I seriously regret ever telling the pastor about it as he desired to not have anything to do with either side. Only thing is that I definitely believe someone played some politics and played a card that made him choose sides, and it seriously isn't ours. I refuse to believe this for several reasons and I pray for him to understand that. trust never comes easily or fast and takes a long time to be restored when it gets broken. Sorry.. that's just the way it is.
I would rather just call it what it was: a serious case of no one wanting to communicate and I just want to be able to say I forgive and just move on. Everyone else can seriously kiss my butt if they think I want to throw blows. I am seriously not like that and will more likely just say yes, you messed up but you're forgiven and walk away. Yes I can forgive and my friends know it. Yes, I am seriously upset about what happened. must I go on and pretend nothing ever happened? NO, seriously that would be lying.
It's way more likely that it will take a while before I let myself off of the hook, as I have a tendency to blame myself even when the causes were external. I am way more severe on myself than other people.
I did on my own initiative go see a counselor at the church, but that is more my own deal than anyone Else's, and I will not talk about that. I will say that so far it has helped me.
I was told that I needed to pursue having the meeting myself since I am the offended party. My thoughts are it's a. been way too long for anyone to remember and B. why should I have to initiate anything if I am the one who has been hurt in this. shouldn't an effort be made by the offending party to get forgiveness.
Only thing is I might be willing to say that certain alliances were made already and there were absolutely no consequences to Jill or her family and she was allowed to work with the children. I really don't give a lick in general because I trust most of the people that work with the kids back in Children's ministry... It's more principle over dishonesty, and how untrustworthy she is to us.
We are choosing to stay with this church as we love it and the people there are super. We are trying not to let the actions of one woman-who was herself having family issues, taint our view of anyone there. People have problems... but when they turn into problems for others it should have been immediately dealt with instead it continues to drag out...
If we don't go to the Rock Hill campus we will go to the Main campus in South Park.
We calculated that there is only a 20 minute difference between the two. and to us that doesn't justify going to one and not the other.
We would love to be involved in another life group, but it might be a while before we go to one again.
I feel shattered, and rather than lash out at the people who've caused me pain, I just would rather be allowed to deal with everything in my own way. No mediator is needed, trust me I know other people involved don't trust me... anyways.. Just let me talk to Jill and tell her that I forgive her and I promise I'll be done.
Honestly, right now I have a few regrets I shouldn't have, like for instance the guilt I have over having the issues in my pregnancy that led to our having to move the birth day two weeks later than we had previously planned. I however, will NEVER feel guilty for having Daniel. He is just one of the sweetest boys in my life and I will never regret my children.
It took us too long and we went through too much for them to ever regret one thing.
Why we chose not to talk about any of this... While the case was open we felt that we needed to keep attention focused away from our situation locally and steered friends and family to call their congress people to lobby for change in the social services system.
Now that the case is closed we feel we can talk more about it.
That's all for me and our family for now...
Trina
Yes, there were issues and towards the end of the week I told her I felt like I was ready to take the helm back.
Jonathan was not happy with me and had been aggressive towards me since after the first amniocentesis. He was mainly acting out and head butting me in the belly. Our theory is that he was mad at mommy for not being the primary one to take care of him (not like I was very pregnant and could barely walk).
Since he has a speech delay, he doesn't really know how to articulate how he's feeling. He is in speech therapy learning to talk and primarily be able to ask for help.
On August 12th, (it was a Tuesday morning) I was trying my best to get both of the kids in the car so I could take Jonathan to his Occupational and Physical therapies appointment.
As I was loading them up in the car... a car pulls up in the driveway... It's a caseworker from the department of social services. She said that someone had filed a report making some allegations against us about Jonathan's care. I told her that I had to take Jonathan to therapy and that she'd have to come back later, I didn't want to be late.
Later on she came back and Andrew was home. She read the allegations and we were accused of neglecting Jonathan. We were accused of never taking Jonathan to the doctor, never giving him a bath(because he had a rash), and not doing anything about his supposed Autism(What the HELL is a non MD doing diagnosing MY Child).
There were more allegations about my home, but mostly that was a minor issue legally.
This person also alleged my husband of working part time at Pizza Hut as a main source of income and doing work with a ministry doing financial literacy training.
By that point we knew exactly who had filed this report and pretty much we could say, Yea it was Jill (the one who watched Jonathan while we were delivering Daniel).
What Jill didn't know and what we CAN verify is this: Jonathan has a minor to moderate developmental delay of approximately 6-7 months in some things and about a 3-4 month delay in others. The Delay is attributed more to his history of being in the hospital a extended period of time (nearly two months) and missing several of his early milestones. We have been playing catch up ever since.
Jonathan has been in Physical and occupational therapy since he came home from the hospital. He has been in Speech therapy since he was 18 months (with only a tiny lapse because of the fact there is a speech therapy shortage in our area). my husband has worked for West marine for over 11 years and works for Pizza Hut on the week ends for supplemental income only. We do volunteer with Darlene's ministry from time to time but that hasn't happened for close to a year and a half.
We have been to the doctor too many times to number and I will not even hesitate to take either of my babies for any thing. We even have gone the extra mile , taking him to the pediatrician to ask him if he thought Jonathan was autistic. His answer is NO and he specifically told us why. Jonathan interacts with people and make limited eye contact, but the eye contact may also be a trust issue or an eyesight issue.
Jonathan was born with a lung disease called lung disease of prematurity, further complicated by scarring of the lungs (called BPD) He was on supplemental oxygen until he was 7 months old.
He developed a severe case of Eczema(or hives) as a result of having an allergic condition. There are several foods we know he is severely allergic to: eggs, Carrots,String beans... That is why he gets rashes and unfortunately other than drugging him with powerful allergy drugs, and avoiding some foods there isn't a whole lot more that we can help him with. He sees a pediatric pulmonary/allergy specialist in Charlotte 4-5 times a year. His name is Dr. Black, and he is a great man.
I gave the social worker all of Jonathan's doctor's, therapists, and early interventionist professional information. The next time I saw all of them I gave them a head's up.
We were told to clean up the house but the end of the case and she would get back to us.
On the 13th it rained all day... It was my birthday and I felt sick. On that Thursday going into Friday Jonathan had been sick earlier in the week, and for some reason Daniel was sick too.
On Friday I took his temp and it was 100.6 so I called the pediatrician got him in as he was 3 weeks old on that day and screaming non stop. The doctor sent us over to Levine Children's Hospital for the week end as Daniel needed a spinal tap and blood tests to make sure he did not have meningitis. He had both done and received antibiotics all weekend. Monday we came home and although he was still slightly sick from the same stomach virus we all had and colic we were told to let it just run it's course. We told our pastor about Jill making the report and how unhappy we were about that.
On August 26th the social worker reappeared and demanded we clean our house. We called the supervisor to get a little more time and then called anyone that would help us to clean our house.
On the 27th about 10-15 people were at my house helping me clean and we were doing a fantastic job. Social worker shows up again with her own agenda. She was there to take the kids until we could get our house clean. We called our friend Darlene to ask her to take them.
We spend Thursday, Friday,Saturday and Sunday and Monday cleaning as we were expecting the social worker to come back on Tuesday after Labor day. We had the entire house spotless and looking like a model home.
Only thing was that she had not even sent for any records until after the kids were place with Darlene. She had also made me an appointment for a mental evaluation as she was concerned that maybe I was having post-partum depression and was a danger to my kids...
Only thing about that was I was just at my 1 month post-partum check at my Ob/GYN and he asked me several questions and seemed satisfied with my answers.
I had been upset over all this investigating me and my family and how I was accused of being a horrible parent. The Social worker never showed up until September 9th to tell me that I could have my kids back.
It's been nearly two months since they came home. They were gone for 12 days. 12 days I will never get back.
For a while it was rough as they were both having severe attachment issues. They needed to be near/touching mommy all of the time or they would cry non stop. Jonathan was having issues with no being able to sleep and night terrors. Daniel on the other hand had previously been having issues with eating. We were working on not over feeding him so he would not vomit 24/7.
Along with that issue, he also needed to be held and was scared of everything...
Needless to say, it was a difficult 3 weeks before they were feeling emotionally safe and secure.
Daniel's feeding issues were addressed at his 2 month appointment and his formula was changed to Enfamil AR. Since then he has not vomited to the extreme that it was. He is still having issues with screaming, but we think that it's reflux causing it. There is a happy baby in Daniel...sometimes we can see it.
The case was closed on October 7th. We recently received notice that the case was closed and that it was found to be unfounded.
In short currently I feel disappointed in how it was dealt with. I am upset that all this even took place and it all could really have been avoided if Jill would have just asked about Jonathan and his life.
I seriously regret ever telling the pastor about it as he desired to not have anything to do with either side. Only thing is that I definitely believe someone played some politics and played a card that made him choose sides, and it seriously isn't ours. I refuse to believe this for several reasons and I pray for him to understand that. trust never comes easily or fast and takes a long time to be restored when it gets broken. Sorry.. that's just the way it is.
I would rather just call it what it was: a serious case of no one wanting to communicate and I just want to be able to say I forgive and just move on. Everyone else can seriously kiss my butt if they think I want to throw blows. I am seriously not like that and will more likely just say yes, you messed up but you're forgiven and walk away. Yes I can forgive and my friends know it. Yes, I am seriously upset about what happened. must I go on and pretend nothing ever happened? NO, seriously that would be lying.
It's way more likely that it will take a while before I let myself off of the hook, as I have a tendency to blame myself even when the causes were external. I am way more severe on myself than other people.
I did on my own initiative go see a counselor at the church, but that is more my own deal than anyone Else's, and I will not talk about that. I will say that so far it has helped me.
I was told that I needed to pursue having the meeting myself since I am the offended party. My thoughts are it's a. been way too long for anyone to remember and B. why should I have to initiate anything if I am the one who has been hurt in this. shouldn't an effort be made by the offending party to get forgiveness.
Only thing is I might be willing to say that certain alliances were made already and there were absolutely no consequences to Jill or her family and she was allowed to work with the children. I really don't give a lick in general because I trust most of the people that work with the kids back in Children's ministry... It's more principle over dishonesty, and how untrustworthy she is to us.
We are choosing to stay with this church as we love it and the people there are super. We are trying not to let the actions of one woman-who was herself having family issues, taint our view of anyone there. People have problems... but when they turn into problems for others it should have been immediately dealt with instead it continues to drag out...
If we don't go to the Rock Hill campus we will go to the Main campus in South Park.
We calculated that there is only a 20 minute difference between the two. and to us that doesn't justify going to one and not the other.
We would love to be involved in another life group, but it might be a while before we go to one again.
I feel shattered, and rather than lash out at the people who've caused me pain, I just would rather be allowed to deal with everything in my own way. No mediator is needed, trust me I know other people involved don't trust me... anyways.. Just let me talk to Jill and tell her that I forgive her and I promise I'll be done.
Honestly, right now I have a few regrets I shouldn't have, like for instance the guilt I have over having the issues in my pregnancy that led to our having to move the birth day two weeks later than we had previously planned. I however, will NEVER feel guilty for having Daniel. He is just one of the sweetest boys in my life and I will never regret my children.
It took us too long and we went through too much for them to ever regret one thing.
Why we chose not to talk about any of this... While the case was open we felt that we needed to keep attention focused away from our situation locally and steered friends and family to call their congress people to lobby for change in the social services system.
Now that the case is closed we feel we can talk more about it.
That's all for me and our family for now...
Trina
Now that we can breathe part one
Here is what we have had to deal with over the last three months.
On July 11th we had an amniocentesis to check on Daniel's lungs as he was still unborn. We were all concerned about whether Daniel was going to deal with the same lung issues that his brother had been born with. Since all our medical professionals only had theories as to why Jonathan's lungs were immature at term, this was really, really important to have this test done.
I had been going to the doctor twice a week since I was 34 weeks to make sure that Daniel was doing great and was happy.
The test involves sticking a super long needle into the uterus and taking some of the amniotic fluid. It was painful and our Doctor, the tech named Andrew, Andrew and myself prayed throughout this.
We were all not expecting what the results would be as I was 38 weeks and change. The test came back negative and immature. We had previously scheduled his delivery for 39 weeks and 1 day(July 14th), only it all depended on this result. We had to cancel it. We also had to try and get 10 more days to try this test again.
We had planned everything out, including having Andrew's mom watch Jonathan the day that we were having Daniel, and no we had no back up plan, because we were trying to have some faith. We were hoping that we would have a great result as well as our doctor who was right there with us.
10 days went by REALLY slow and each day felt really impossible.
We got to July 22nd and went for our second amniocentesis, went through that and waited all day for results. That was the longest day ever. Our doctors were coming up with a plan.
I was 40 weeks and 2 days and knowing that we couldn't stay pregnant forever was comforting but scary. The results were that his lungs were a little tiny bit better on one score(they tested for three things) the other two were nowhere near ready.
We were going to be spending some time in the same nicu that Jonathan spent 2 months in...The only thing was we would not know the extent of how long until he was born.
Trina had to go get special shots for the next two days and we had to scrounge up someone who could watch Jonathan and Andrew's mom was unavailable.
We had gone to a life group meeting twice... They asked us what we needed and that was it.
Although it was a far stretch or our trust to ask this bunch of people we hardly knew, we felt we had no other choice but to trust this group of strangers.
So we get a call the next day from a lady named Jill who was in the group.(this is important for later) She was volunteering
to watch him. We made a list of what he couldn't eat and shouldn't have been doing.
We had a person who was helping us the whole time...Her name is Julie Morris and she is a professional doula or Labor support person... She was a giant help to us. and in a big way helped us to stay pregnant and out of Labor and Delivery.
We got to the delivery date (July 25th) and went to have my c-section...I had a nervous stomach. We got to the hospital and you could cut the nervous anticipation with a knife...
I was super glad I had Julie as she was the one who talked Andrew into being in the delivery room with me.
She came to be a support and I so appreciate that she knew my fears and helped me to maintain our sense of this day is very special. we also had the opportunity to meet and talk to the NICU docs who would be taking care of Daniel.
I got prepped and took the "walk". It took a while to put the spinal/epidural in and get me prepped. When they were ready they brought in Andrew and the NICU team. Andrew was in scrubs instead of the Big Bird yellow gown we had endured our entire nicu stay with Jonathan. We lobbied for the scrubs, and got it. We didn't want to have that reminder at this moment in time.
He came and sat next to me and looked at me and touched my face. I was good and numb but still nautious but our doctors told me that it was because of my low blood pressure.
Suddenly I felt tugging and pulling. I knew this was it. He was coming out. They pulled him out and immediately the entire room filled with his screaming! He had a cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. That told us all why he was breech, he couldn't turn if he wanted to.
Andrew cut the cord while they were checking him out. He weighed in at 10 pounds and 7 oz.
His screams were the greatest sign that he was ok, and the best relief to me that I had suffered and sacrificed so that he could have a chance and it was successful. I was crying really hard on the table and everyone didn't know that these were HAPPY tears. They thought it was I'm in Pain tears. so they stopped and ask me.
I was sewn up and got the opportunity to see Daniel and touch him in the OR which was way different than when Jonathan was born. I didn't get to see or touch him until the next day.
I was taken to the recovery room and Andrew came in as well as Julie...
Daniel had been taken to the NICU for observation as he was grunting and breathing fast.
When I was in the recovery room having the shakes from being in shock and the spinal, a friend of ours came to say hello. Harold came and shared the afternoon with us...
After a while I was moved to a post partum room. I spent the next 4 days trying to rest and recover. I had issues with bleeding too much due to a blood thinner they had given me and some pain control issues no one believed me about.
Early the morning after my delivery, I was stood on my feet for the first time, was put in the shower and was given some solid food, I was wheeled over to the NICU to visit Daniel.
That was sad and weird at the same time as we were repeat customers and our family's picture was up on the wall across from the nurse's station. We were sad celebrities..
He was doing super terrific and there was talk about him graduating the next day. He came back to our room later the same day!
Jonathan was there when they brought Daniel into my room and got to meet him. It was one of the most precious things to see.
I spent day 2-3 trying to get my bleeding under control both from my incision and from my female parts, and to get the pain under control.
I went home on Day 4 and got the opportunity to take Daniel home with me. I was overwhelmed and grateful that a miracle happened that helped Daniel come out so healthy when he should've needed more intervention. There is no explanation that my doctors could come up with. so to us we had a miracle happen. :)
What would happen in the next 3 weeks would totally have us in a spin.
Trina
On July 11th we had an amniocentesis to check on Daniel's lungs as he was still unborn. We were all concerned about whether Daniel was going to deal with the same lung issues that his brother had been born with. Since all our medical professionals only had theories as to why Jonathan's lungs were immature at term, this was really, really important to have this test done.
I had been going to the doctor twice a week since I was 34 weeks to make sure that Daniel was doing great and was happy.
The test involves sticking a super long needle into the uterus and taking some of the amniotic fluid. It was painful and our Doctor, the tech named Andrew, Andrew and myself prayed throughout this.
We were all not expecting what the results would be as I was 38 weeks and change. The test came back negative and immature. We had previously scheduled his delivery for 39 weeks and 1 day(July 14th), only it all depended on this result. We had to cancel it. We also had to try and get 10 more days to try this test again.
We had planned everything out, including having Andrew's mom watch Jonathan the day that we were having Daniel, and no we had no back up plan, because we were trying to have some faith. We were hoping that we would have a great result as well as our doctor who was right there with us.
10 days went by REALLY slow and each day felt really impossible.
We got to July 22nd and went for our second amniocentesis, went through that and waited all day for results. That was the longest day ever. Our doctors were coming up with a plan.
I was 40 weeks and 2 days and knowing that we couldn't stay pregnant forever was comforting but scary. The results were that his lungs were a little tiny bit better on one score(they tested for three things) the other two were nowhere near ready.
We were going to be spending some time in the same nicu that Jonathan spent 2 months in...The only thing was we would not know the extent of how long until he was born.
Trina had to go get special shots for the next two days and we had to scrounge up someone who could watch Jonathan and Andrew's mom was unavailable.
We had gone to a life group meeting twice... They asked us what we needed and that was it.
Although it was a far stretch or our trust to ask this bunch of people we hardly knew, we felt we had no other choice but to trust this group of strangers.
So we get a call the next day from a lady named Jill who was in the group.(this is important for later) She was volunteering
to watch him. We made a list of what he couldn't eat and shouldn't have been doing.
We had a person who was helping us the whole time...Her name is Julie Morris and she is a professional doula or Labor support person... She was a giant help to us. and in a big way helped us to stay pregnant and out of Labor and Delivery.
We got to the delivery date (July 25th) and went to have my c-section...I had a nervous stomach. We got to the hospital and you could cut the nervous anticipation with a knife...
I was super glad I had Julie as she was the one who talked Andrew into being in the delivery room with me.
She came to be a support and I so appreciate that she knew my fears and helped me to maintain our sense of this day is very special. we also had the opportunity to meet and talk to the NICU docs who would be taking care of Daniel.
I got prepped and took the "walk". It took a while to put the spinal/epidural in and get me prepped. When they were ready they brought in Andrew and the NICU team. Andrew was in scrubs instead of the Big Bird yellow gown we had endured our entire nicu stay with Jonathan. We lobbied for the scrubs, and got it. We didn't want to have that reminder at this moment in time.
He came and sat next to me and looked at me and touched my face. I was good and numb but still nautious but our doctors told me that it was because of my low blood pressure.
Suddenly I felt tugging and pulling. I knew this was it. He was coming out. They pulled him out and immediately the entire room filled with his screaming! He had a cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. That told us all why he was breech, he couldn't turn if he wanted to.
Andrew cut the cord while they were checking him out. He weighed in at 10 pounds and 7 oz.
His screams were the greatest sign that he was ok, and the best relief to me that I had suffered and sacrificed so that he could have a chance and it was successful. I was crying really hard on the table and everyone didn't know that these were HAPPY tears. They thought it was I'm in Pain tears. so they stopped and ask me.
I was sewn up and got the opportunity to see Daniel and touch him in the OR which was way different than when Jonathan was born. I didn't get to see or touch him until the next day.
I was taken to the recovery room and Andrew came in as well as Julie...
Daniel had been taken to the NICU for observation as he was grunting and breathing fast.
When I was in the recovery room having the shakes from being in shock and the spinal, a friend of ours came to say hello. Harold came and shared the afternoon with us...
After a while I was moved to a post partum room. I spent the next 4 days trying to rest and recover. I had issues with bleeding too much due to a blood thinner they had given me and some pain control issues no one believed me about.
Early the morning after my delivery, I was stood on my feet for the first time, was put in the shower and was given some solid food, I was wheeled over to the NICU to visit Daniel.
That was sad and weird at the same time as we were repeat customers and our family's picture was up on the wall across from the nurse's station. We were sad celebrities..
He was doing super terrific and there was talk about him graduating the next day. He came back to our room later the same day!
Jonathan was there when they brought Daniel into my room and got to meet him. It was one of the most precious things to see.
I spent day 2-3 trying to get my bleeding under control both from my incision and from my female parts, and to get the pain under control.
I went home on Day 4 and got the opportunity to take Daniel home with me. I was overwhelmed and grateful that a miracle happened that helped Daniel come out so healthy when he should've needed more intervention. There is no explanation that my doctors could come up with. so to us we had a miracle happen. :)
What would happen in the next 3 weeks would totally have us in a spin.
Trina
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