What happened

What happened to life, how it just seemed to blow up.
I feel like some days that some things are truly out of my control and my rights have been taken right from my hands.

Right now, I write this in frustration and a little bit of sadness.
A while back we had a big amount of trouble from someone in a church we go to. Once the case was closed and it was proven to be false, my hubby and I made a few decisions.

Instead of being totally angry and wanting to get justice or revenge or what ever you may call it, we would just like to clean the slate off totally and start over.
We have this need just like everyone else on this planet, to love and to be loved and when someone pushes you out of the fray and tries to deny you of a basic chance to just know me and denies me of a chance to be loved, I just don't really understand what's going on in someone else's head/shoes.
I pretty much try to as much as I can try to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Sometimes it's really easy and other times it's a challenge.
I'm really praying about it, we just want another opportunity, but if the people just don't want anything to do with me(and I don't know why) then I guess that desire is not good enough.
I just talked to Andrew and although I made a sufficient case for setting down roots somewhere
and not making ourselves so vulnerable to isolation, I don't think he knows how this has effected me emotionally.
He made the decision to have us pull out of a life group...Unfortunately I am his wife and have to respect his wishes although it absolutely is killing me not to be forming and having relationships. It's truly stifling to me and doesn't seem fair that I get to suffer the consequences of judgment for Andrew's behavior. I've not held a gun to his head and told him to accumulate stuff.In fact this has been a subject of many arguments and even begging and in fact has caused our family a great deal of pain.
Not like I spend the majority of my week dealing with Jonathan's therapists and doctors. I spend some time in hallways and waiting areas. I want to have some sort of life but have a responsibility to Jonathan at least until he turns three years old. I am looking forward to having slightly more time to join a women's life group...
We are trying to reach out but it has been utterly slow because of fear. Even when Daniel was in the hospital and we needed support, Andrew was again too afraid to call anyone even when I asked. anyways here I am. Chugging along.
Trina